With the new school year upon us, you may find it difficult to prepare your children for a new school, especially if you have recently moved to a new country.
Most expat kids and their worry-filled parents will experience a mix of emotions. Of course, the move and new school environment can feel scary for both the parents and the children. The age of your children at the time and their personality will also affect how big the impact will be.
We recommend arriving in the country well before the school year starts so that you can spend time with your children exploring their new home. Arriving early also allows you to enrol them in clubs and activities where they can make new friends and keep busy during the school holidays.
We understand this may be a challenging period, so we have compiled 10 steps to help your kids adapt to a new school and country.
1. Start talking about it as soon as possible, and be relentlessly positive about it
Aim to start talking about the move as soon as you know you’re moving. And try to know as soon as possible. Kids react much better if they know something is going to happen.
Explain to them why you’re moving, and be undeniably happy and positive about it. Discuss how the weather, food, distance to relatives, language, and traditions will be different, but always keep it in a positive light.
2. Choose a new school wisely
This one requires thorough research of the schooling system in your new host country. Public or private? It really depends on the quality of the public system and your preference.
Public schools offer deeper language immersion, which will promote integration and identification with the new country long-term.
If you can afford it, a private or international school allows kids to learn the local language more gently. The cultural shock will be less dramatic if the kids can at least communicate in one of the international school’s languages. What’s more, they will socialise with other kids that are in the same situation. Beware of isolation, though. If you plan to stay in your host country for a relatively long time, strive for your kids to integrate and find local friends.
If you have teenage children, it is best to get their take on a new school. This will give your kids an opportunity to exercise agency and feel like they are part of the decision-making process.
3. Visit the school before the start of the year
Try to visit the school when it’s nice and quiet before the start of the school year. That way, the kids will have the time to explore and familiarise themselves with the surroundings at their own pace.
Let them play for a little while and see that the school is filled with fun stuff to do! If possible, meeting the teachers is also a great idea. If they have a clear picture of what the school and teachers look like, they won’t have to deal with fearing the unknown.
4. Get ready for some tears
Most kids will experience some degree of anxiety when a change as significant as this happens in their lives. It can happen that the anxiety only hits after the rush of the first few days, and the novelty fades.
You can expect them to have a few tough weeks at the beginning. It can be longer or shorter, of course, but it is only a cause for concern if they’re still unhappy after several months.
5. Let them take a transitional object with them
Depending on how old your kids are, they may still have some sort of lovey or comfort toy that provides them with psychological comfort. These objects are handy when the kids face unusual situations.
Encourage your kids to bring their lovey to school. Hint: If they are embarrassed about it, they can carry it inside their backpacks without anyone noticing.
‘It made a lot of a difference for my eldest when I wrapped a piece of my jewellery around his favourite teddy bear. It turned out to be a powerful combo! It doesn’t have to be your favourite piece of jewellery; after all, they might lose it! Just anything that is yours,’ says an expat mum who has navigated two moves abroad with her children.
6. Establish a new routine
Children need a routine to thrive, and it’s essential to establish one as soon as possible. Not only will this make your children feel more secure, but it will also make the new country start feeling like home.
You can integrate many of the routines you had at home, like doing bedtime stories and having dinner at the same time every day.
7. Make the drop-off as quick and relaxed as possible
Choose a drop-off routine that works for you, and stick to it! That way, the kids will know what to expect.
‘We like to come in and get our slippers on, then do a group hug and a kiss. They then go to their classroom. In the early days, when they were not so crazy about staying, I was tempted to stay longer, but that’s a double-edged knife. If you stay longer because they cry, they might keep doing it only to get you to stay. And the cycle goes on and on,’ continues the expat mum.
The best approach is to be calm and matter-of-fact. Follow your routine, tell them you’ll be back for them in no time, and leave.
8. Don’t diminish their feelings
When discussing your kids’ worries, you might be tempted to minimise them, making them seem smaller than they really are. This is dangerous.
Their feelings may seem minor to you. After all, you know they’ll be just fine, and you will return to get them. But this is a big deal to your kids, and if you turn down their feelings, they may think they’re silly or weak for having them.
They’re allowed to have feelings! Acknowledge their fears and worries and address them as best you can. Make sure they can put words to what they’re feeling and overcome them; don’t shut them down.
9. Help them make new friends and find closure with their old friends
We recommend encouraging them to socialise and reinforce the budding relationships that will develop after the first few weeks.
Get creative here. You can organise a ‘moving in’ party with the kids in the class. Once they make a few acquaintances, you can organise sleepovers or play dates. You can enrol your kids in some after-school activities to foster more friendships.
Similarly to a ‘moving in’ party, you can throw a ‘going away’ party for your children with their friends back home. Your children can say goodbye to the connections they have built in their home country and possibly embrace the move.
10. Be patient, and don’t worry too much about your children’s academic results
Adjusting to a new place takes time. You know this first-hand. It’s the same with your kids, except they’ll adapt and learn the language much faster than you.
Try not to concern yourself with your children’s academic results during the first six months of the school year. They are likely still adapting to their new environment and learning with new teachers and friends at a new school.
Be patient when they’re anxious, with the rough drop-offs, possible mood swings and anger. After all, you moved them from a place they knew and liked. Give them the time and space to find their place again.
Changing countries and schools can be an enriching experience. The key is planning, doing research and preparing for it. After the dust settles, you’ll find that you and your kids are more resilient and resourceful and will thrive.
