How can I make friends in Italy?

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on 7 Apr 2015

Hello, I've just read the guide on this site for preparations in moving to Italy, what to do when you're there etc. I moved here 2 and a half years ago with my Italian husband, we had been previously living together in the UK. He's fluent in English so we always speak English. We moved to a part of Italy neither of us knew, with the aim of him developing a new business and me teaching piano/English. 2.5 years on and his business is flourishing, he has done really well and I'm proud of him for it. He has met loads of new people and has loads of new contacts, and some friends too. I, on the other hand, never managed to teach piano as the town already has a conservatoire and there didn't seem to be any interest in my adverts, and my English teaching started off really badly with a school refusing to pay me and then when I quit that, my own private lessons were only really ad hoc, again there wasn't the interest to make it a full time thing. I wasn't qualified with any English as a Foreign Language certificate, which made it harder (I just did an EFL qualification a couple of months ago). To cut a long story short, 2.5 years in and I still don't have friends, a social life, anyone to rely on or talk to other than my husband. I have started to feel really bitter about moving here and I really miss my life prior to moving here, which is silly because I was all for moving away and having a quieter life. I just didn't think it would end up being so lonely. I initially suffered badly with depression when I first moved, which made doing anything involving other people impossible. I'm better now, but I still find it so hard to be able to meet anyone, I'm almost incapable of it. What can I do? I'm worried that this will just perpetuate and I'll eventually be faced with no other choice than to move back home, to the detriment of my marriage. I'd appreciate any advice/suggestions/ideas at all! Thank you in advance.

Anonymous (not verified) on 27 Jun 2015 - 20:45

Hi, that sounds very difficult and demoralizing. I am starting off, as a divorcee so again it isn't easy at all. I moved to Tuscany as I thought there would be a good mix of ex-pats and locals and haven't started work. I don't really know what to suggest as it really depends where you have ended up. It does sound like you need a job, activity, hobby etc., that takes you out of the house, and offers something less solitary. Places to begin might be voluntary work? (is there somewhere close by for that?). Check and see if there is a 'rete feminile' (a womens' business network). I wouldn't give up on the EFL, however, Italian language schools can be difficult in term so of payment, there is a tefl site where teachers highlight schools (in EU) that are poor payers, also normal or private schools look for qualified english teachers (could you at a IELTS) or business English. The main thing though doesn't appear to work per se (although every little helps), rather getting out and into some type of network, with other women. Make sure you are up to date with tv programmes, local news etc., so that you can join in the conversation. I hope that helps

Anonymous (not verified) on 28 Apr 2015 - 09:31

Thanks for your reply. I do speak a little italian. No group classes though that I'm aware of - the language schools don't give italian lessons as I think there's just not the demand for it. Maybe only for a short while in the summer, but I don't think so. I did pilates for a few months at the beginning, but didn't meet anyone from it. Perhaps I was too shy then/intimidated by the language and culture. Really, it isn't easy!

Anonymous (not verified) on 24 Apr 2015 - 16:36

Hello. I can relate. Do you speak Italian? If not, I suggest taking some group classes which will help you to meet people. Maybe there is an Italian language school there? Depending on your interests/hobbies, maybe you can find other classes such as dance, music, yoga, pilates, etc to find people with similar interests. Good Luck!

Anonymous (not verified) on 15 Mar 2016 - 13:03

Hi. I realize that it's been nearly a year since you asked this question. I hope you are still in Italy and that you've made some friends. I find myself in a similar predicament as I moved here a year ago and I am struggling with the language and am also fairly shy. My suggestion is that you have to get over the shyness factor and jump in with both feet. Start by inviting your husband's new friends and their significant others to dinner. You need to make friends with his friends and hope that their wives or girlfriends share common interests with you. If they do, make a date for coffee on your own. Go back to the pilates class or take another class of interest to you and look for some one you might be interested in and ask if they want to have coffee and a chat after class. Tell them that you are interested in improving your Italian language skills through conversation and that you could help them to learn English. You have to be willing to put yourself out there if you want to meet people. Good luck.

LostinBologna on 19 May 2016 - 11:09

I also am in a very similar situation. I am American who moved here for my husband with our toddler son who was born in the U.S. Since our arrivel, 2 months ago almost, life has been beyond utterly difficult. We have a house which we were about to loose due to my Mother-in-law's dementia and back-owed taxes. Because of this, the house has consummed most our free time because of repairs. We are not rich so we've a long hard road ahead of us with the aspect of actually making this place livable and a home. I don't speak the language that well but have the Rosetta Stone program so I hope to teach myself in free time, whenever that is. I am very isolated as we live ontop a mountain 3km from the little city below in one direction and 5km in the other. I know no one other than a handful of my husbands friends, some of whom speak english but we don't see that often. Isolation and depression have caused us many battles and arguements have plagued us almost daily. I miss home terribly and question everyday whether or not I have made the right decsision. I have an older son who is back in America with his father and I am guilt ridden for leaving him behind to finish school. I am so lonely I have stopped trying to do anything here. I've no help with the house, our son, nor any support system. The only one I can talk to is my son's father back home. I left everything I have for my husband here and feel none of my sacrifice has been appreciated. What to do? Lost in Bologna

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